The Fall Girl

 

It didn’t take long to land on a name for this blog - The Fall Girl is exactly how i describe my life.  It holds so much of what i have carried all these years - the memories, the heartbreak, the love bombing, the baiting, the gaslighting, the kind of love that teaches you more about survival than genuine happiness. 

I was always the one who took the fall. Blamed. Misunderstood. Judged. Disliked. Talked ABOUT A LOT. I never understood the animosity - I'm guessing because I was always the fall girl in the story shared but the person i wholeheartedly trust. I didn’t let it break me though. Sure, i felt sad, it lingered, it stung. But i think as a young woman back then, it was easier to cope with emotions than it is now, in my middle age.

It chipped away parts of me quietly. But it never reached the core of who i am. Even when it should’ve made me bitter or smaller, it didn’t. I’ve always been that giggly, confident girl at heart, the one who just wanted real friendship, honest love, and a peaceful, content life. Nothing fancy. Just something true.

And maybe this space is where i begin to share my truth - the fight, flight and freeze moments. Not to dwell in the pain. Not to get revenge. But to heal.. and make sense of it all. To finally see it for what it was - and what it wasn't.  

And maybe, just maybe, in the process... I'll find the courage to let go and love again. This time, the kind of love that feels real, not for validation or attention, but the kind that would always chooses me back, keep me safe and protected. 

Writing this now hurts so deep, because letting go hasn't even started yet.